She woke up each morning with fleeting thoughts and memories of the previous day: “i will make it,its going to be better” she said, while reciting the book of Psalms 121.
Just when you think everything is falling into place, something more difficult comes your way, there were days when it seemed like her world was becoming beautiful and she felt like the luckiest girl on earth, she would laugh at even the silliest of jokes cause everything made her happy, she forgot her troubles cause she believed it would work in her favor.
On some days which seemed to last longer than the happy days, she would sit alone or sometimes lay down pondering and wondering at what lay ahead of her, “What would i do next and how will i get out of this?” she asked herself and each time she did, she never got an answer except have faith!! She was struggling and losing grip, she was sinking and still is.
Having come from a background where it was not all rosy, she knew that losing now would wreck everything for her and guess what: she is losing!! so many thoughts in her head; i can not do this anymore, what is the easiest way to let go of all these pain, what would my family do,how do i move on??
Its worse when you do not even have anyone, the scary thought of having to face life on your own, the thought of having to wake up everyday knowing fully well that even if you dropped dead, no one would ask of you and even before they find your body, it would take ages…do i cut myself to slowly ease the pain? even the thought of doing that made her heart shudder.
No one knows what she goes through everyday and all they see is what she wants them to see, but what fills her head everyday and night is how to face the next day, how to survive with the depression which gets worse everyday. Who knows what her next action would be? Will she hurt herself or will she find solace in whatever peace is left within her?